I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
I think I am morally bankrupt
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
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