so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
i used baking grease as lip gloss
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
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