bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize
