this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
barbara walters just said penis...
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Randomize
