I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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