Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
