I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
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