I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
Randomize
