Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
Randomize
