some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
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