so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
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