wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
