Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
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