I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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