You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
Randomize
