so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
Randomize
