News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
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