I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
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