I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
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