I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
Is that strawberry winking at me??
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