All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
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