She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
Randomize
