I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
Randomize
