You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
Sorry about my life...
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
Randomize
