when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
