I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
Randomize
