Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
Randomize
