Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Randomize
