well I can't set my house on fire every night
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
Randomize
