So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
Randomize
