my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
Randomize
