I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
Randomize
