i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
Randomize
