Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
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