How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
Drunk is not a location!
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
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