i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
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