The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
