imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
Randomize
