Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
Randomize
