Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
Just fell off a train. Bad.
I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
Randomize
