wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
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