I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
No stitches, just platelets and will power
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
Randomize
