Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
Randomize
