I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Randomize
