my soul wont recognize me after tonight
At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
I am one with the molecules
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
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