Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
And the cops told us we were all naked.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Randomize
