I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
not ubering you a puppy
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
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