Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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