yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
Randomize
