I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
Randomize
