How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
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