Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Randomize
